


I Needed This

by mglouise97



Category: Supernatural
Genre: dean is a stumbling idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-03-09 01:32:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3231236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mglouise97/pseuds/mglouise97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has a hard time telling Cas exactly how he feels...</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Needed This

They were sitting at the table in the bunker researching a case when, out of nowhere, Sam asked, "Dean, whats up with you and Cas?" He seemed frusterated but Dean couldn't understand why.

"I dunno. Nothing, I think. Why?" Dean replied. 

"Well, its just that... you like him, don't you?" Sam demanded more than asked him. 

Dean shrugged him off, but his fidgety hands gave away his nerves. "Ya, you know I do. Heck, I've told him that myself."

"But you like him as more than a friend." Sam pointed out. 

"Uh, ya. Well, you know. Cas and I... Um. He... Sammy what are you getting at?" His cheeks flushed red but he hoped it was only because of his anger.

"Have you told Cas that?" 

Dean thought back to that night on the bridge some weeks ago. It had been wet and dark and they had just finished a hunt. Sam was cleaning up the body and Dean and Cas were standing at the side of the Impala. Cas had fought brilliantly that night and Dean was swimming with pride. Dean wanted to say something, somehow put into words how proud he was of Cas, how much he loved having him on hunts, how much he loved, um, liked... It was difficult.They had both sort of guessed at their feelings for each other and it had been fairly obvious from their actions over the past few weeks that they were both leaning towards more than friends. They had just never brought the subject up. But sometimes when Sam went to bed early, they would grab a movie and sit down with some popcorn. They sat a little too close, but neither of them had ever done anything to explicitly show that this was more than just friends hanging out. Dean wanted to be close to Cas, to let him know how he felt. But all he could muster was clasping Cas on the shoulder and saying "I'm proud of you, Cas. I'm really glad that you hunt with us, and live with us, and.. I just really like having you around." Cas smiled and said "Me too." but Dean still felt like a coward for not saying it for real. 

He turned his attention back to Sam. "Well, well he knows. He knows how I feel." Dean said.

Sam looked him straight in the eyes with that puppy dog face he always used to make Dean feel guilty.

"Does he, Dean?"

\-----

Dean knocked on Cas's door. 

"Hey, uh, Cas?"

"Come in, Dean." Cas says calmly from behind the door. Or maybe he just seems calm in comparison to Dean's accelerated heart rate. Dean cant tell. 

When he opens the door, Cas is sitting at his desk reading the bible. He's still in his trenchcoat. Geez, he just never seems to take that thing off. 

Cas looks up. "Can I do something for you, Dean?"

"Uh, ya I was wondering if we could, uh, talk." Dean says. 

Cas instantly puts down his bible and turns his full attention to Dean. In the ruff voice he gets when he's concerned, he says, "Is something wrong Dean?"

He cant help but to laugh a bit. "No, no. Its not like that." Dean chuckles but his face resorts back to its sternness once he gets himelf back in check. He pulls up a chair so he is sitting opposite of Cas. 

"Cas, uh. Um." He wants this to sound casual. Its no big deal, really. "You know I like you, right buddy?" he tried to smile. Buddy? Buddy is not the right term for what Cas is to him. God, why is this so hard. 

Cas settles back into his chair and smiles easily. "Yes I do."

Dean is almost sweating now. "Ya but. Like... You know, I like you, uh, like... Well you know." Dean lifts his head to look at Cas, desperately hoping that the the angel catches the hint. 

Cas cocks his head in confusion. "I dont know what you mean." Of course he doesn't get it. Dean is being about as clear as demons blood. Finally, he cant take it anymore. He gets up and starts pacing the room. When Dean glances back at Cas, he finds that Cas's look of fierce concern has returned to his face. 

Great, this is great, Dean thinks. I can pick up chicks at bars with ease but when it comes to men, I'm a stumbling idiot. 

Dean had come to terms with his sexuality long ago, but men had never really been on the table as an option. Ya, the models looked good but he wasn't attracted to them in the same way that hot babes made him salivate. It was more of a fascination, or in Cas's case, daunting awe. 

This isnt hard, he told himself. Just say it. You like him. You like him like, uh, crap I dont know how to say it. 

Cas interrupted his thoughts. "Dean whats wrong?" There was an urgency in his voice that made Dean cringe. 

His only option left was just to tell the truth and hope that Cas understood. 

"Look man, I dont know how to say this. I, I like you." He looked up at Cas's face to try and get across the sincerity that his words couldnt say. "And I mean I really like you. Like how Sam liked Jess, how I liked Lisa. I, Cas you are more than a friend to me. I think we kind of both know that but I've been too much of a god damn coward to say it to you straight. I want you to know, you have to understand-" Dean was frantic now. His eyes were wild and searching in Cas's face for some sort of sign that what he wasnt saying, what he couldnt say, was reaching him. 

Instead, Cas rushed forward and enveloped him in a hug. It wasnt an "I love you" hug, it wasnt an "I'm sorry" hug. It was a simple "I understand, I am here" hug. Thats what Cas's hugs always were to Dean. Relief, understanding, acceptance. All of his stress melted away as Cas held him in his arms. This is what Dean wanted. Comfort. Safety. He wanted this all of the time. He never wanted to let go of Cas. He could just hide here, inside Cas's arms forever and never have to try and struggle through his feelings and trip over the words to express them. They stood embraced for a long time. At least 5 minutes, he thought. Cas seemed content but Dean knew that hiding wasnt a feasible option. So he pulled away and stepped back. 

"I, um. I want a relationship with you, Cas. A real one. Not just dancing around each other like we used to do. A real, you and me relationship." Dean said with a shuttering sigh that released the last of his nerves.

Cas smiled that wide, beautiful smile of his. 

"Of course Dean."


End file.
